Genesis of Life

the school report card was given back to us today
imagine what we've gone through
when we're waiting for this particular day

the first few periods was quite normal
maybe the stress haven't strike us yet
but
after the second recess, the 'excitement' finally started to show itself
we were so anxious
we want to know our result
but at the same time
we don't
afraid that our worst nightmare would come true

after i got my report card
i didn't dare to see it
still hesitating
something are best left unknown

Guess what?
my worst nightmare didn't come true
in fact i scored higher than last year
i've improved by just 0.2 marks :P
nevertheless
i'm happy already

actually,
happy isn't really the word to describe what i felt
it's so complicated

math......
a short and simple word
but
in reality? no
it's not simple
even "hard" is not enough to describe it
maybe to some people, it's a boring subject
to others, maybe it's a subject to score
but not to me
i don't think it's boring
but still
i can't score high marks
why?
simple..........
because i'm stupid
that's why........

numbers, numbers, numbers.........
who invented math anyway?
i don't know if i should say thanks or curse him/her

these few days, i can't seem to get away from maths
numbers, numbers, numbers.......
that's all in my mind
argh................
i still have so many exercise to do
teacher just gave us previous years test question
UEC Math- 1999~2008
PMR Math- 2005~2008
14 sets............
560 question and that doesn't include subjective
i'm going to be dead

100 or so days to the big day
still can't find the impetus to study
i feel like i've left the other subjects like english, science, physcis........
out in the cold
and if they catch a cold
i don't know what should i do..........
sigh....................

these few day, really confusing
i don't know what should i do
walking around
day- dreaming
watching the performances
i want to be on stage
but
my technique is too terrible
i seldom practice
i've got no talent
my fault
i'm not good in extra- curricular activity

and now even my academics starts to fall
maths use to be an easy subject
but now
advance isn't enough to describe it
it's like a chain on my body
i can set myself loose
but only if i try
very hard

i wonder what'll happen in the future?
can i really get inot a university with this kind of achievement?
hardly..............

last friday, i went to wen yee's house for group study
don't doubt me, it's real
i arrived at 12.30pm
at first, i thought i was late but it turned out that the other two haven't arrived yet
later, when everyone was there
we went out to buy lunch (guess what. McD, :P)
we chatted when we're eating
there were five of us
but
only four were talking
i felt like an outsider
well, i'm one
they're all 3ren
i'm in 3zhong
it's normal that i don't know what they're talking about

we started discusing bm after lunch was finished
and from that time on til 4.00pm
we've discussed bm and bm only
the boys went back home on 4pm

4pm~ 6pm, doing homework
and at the same time, listening to music
had a little break somewhere in the middle
didn't talk much
i have a feeling that our bond is weakening
we used to talk about everything
i meant everything, literally...

i still want her as my best friend
but i don't know if she wants me as her's

I still remember our form 1 science teacher
he referred to us as compound
are we still compound?
or just element that have nothing to do with each other?

Maybe i'm just too sensitive
maybe it's all just my imagination
she's not like this

as i expected
he's at it again
so unfair
why me?
out of so many people
why me?
as i know you don't want me

remember that session last time?
you told me the news
what did i do wrong?
that you have to do this to me
ever since
my passion started to faded

i want to forget this
i want to get my passion back
but you don't care
always remind me of that stupid little thing
i don't want it to happen too
it's not my fault
i want to pass too
it's your problem
you didn't gave me the chance

everytime i started to have a little confidence
you put it out
that tiny little flame is really starting to go out

i can go anytime i want
so, why didn't i?

i'm not suppose to talk about it