double edged blade
by wenn on Saturday, October 27, 2012
Amidst AS finals, yet here I am, drowned in emotions, when I should be devoting my attention to physics. Stress, it may be, then it would be easily solvable as everything shall return to normal in one month's time. I do hope so. It was a beautiful surprise and I'm reluctant to let it go. But what can I do but to sit by and watch it slip through my fingers, leaving scars all over.
Be strong, my mind says. The temptation is only sorrow coated with temporary satisfaction. But alas, I gave in yet again.
Emotion. A double-sided blade indeed.
Be strong, my mind says. The temptation is only sorrow coated with temporary satisfaction. But alas, I gave in yet again.
Emotion. A double-sided blade indeed.
Focus
by wenn on Saturday, October 6, 2012
For some reason, I don't have that stressful feeling I used to have before every major exams. Trials results were nowhere near what I should achieve. And now, actual is the final way for me to prove my worth, if there's any. A week more for preparation. I hope I won't screw this. If I do, so shall the last illumination of my future.
Recent events prompted me to rethink my decision to so-called betray my high school by not staying for UEC. If I stayed, I would, no doubt still be suffering in that zombie world. The sheer thoughts of those mountainous exercises, endless exams, constant competition, sleepless nights still send shiver up my spine. But then, I can't help but miss that life I used to be tired of. Well, I guess Senior 1 would be the first to be ruled out. I missed blocking off all other lessons to solve those insanely complicated calculus questions and the sense of accomplishment that follows after solving them. But most of all, I just missed being busy. I wonder what would it really be like if I did stay. Five years of suffering should have given me immunity that might last for one last year.
I'm not saying A level's easy. It has its own standard, just not what I'm accustomed to. And college life is definitely more free than in high school. Less rules, less homework and more sleep. But other than that, college didn't give me that much free time either. So, what I'm going through now is roughly the same. The English version of UEC with easier maths and physics that focus more on theories? I guess. I have to get rid of that thought that I'm better. I am not, in any way, better than any kebangsaan people. Many outdid me and many are more hardworking than me. I'm just better in the sense that I have some residual knowledge which won't last for long. Biology clearly proved so.
Autism, a mental condition characterised by great difficulty in communicating and forming relationships. Okay, probably not that serious. But maybe I should stay away from people. Just to save the hassle of being everyone but myself. This has been on top of my list of rule from the beginning of the year. Now comes the consequences of my violation.