It.is.impossible.
by wenn on Saturday, September 22, 2012
Everything is done and submitted. So, I guess I'm supposed to bid farewell to UK now. The fact has been staring me right in the face for the whole time. Aptitude, the innate ability. The test had just confirmed the fact that I'm not a suitable candidate. That path is not meant for me. I don't have the necessary mindset and ability to be a doctor. For something that I'm sure I won't get, I have wasted weeks, 590 ringgit, 100 pound and another 23 pound.
Edinburgh. Leeds. Leicester. Bristol.
Well, at least I still get to keep my first choice, Leeds and Leicester get to move forward. Due to my pathetic score, I had to give up Glasgow and substitute it with Bristol. But Bristol has never even crossed my mind before. I hope I didn't make the wrong choice. But it's not that they matter anyway. Choosing all these top-notch universities for a course so competitive, how do I even compete with all those geniuses? A medical student who failed biology? Who in the right mind would give me an offer?
Ireland.HongKong.Singapore.Taiwan.Australia.NewZealand.
I shall have deeper thoughts before applying to these other universities.
No.hopes.no.disappointment.
Edinburgh. Leeds. Leicester. Bristol.
Well, at least I still get to keep my first choice, Leeds and Leicester get to move forward. Due to my pathetic score, I had to give up Glasgow and substitute it with Bristol. But Bristol has never even crossed my mind before. I hope I didn't make the wrong choice. But it's not that they matter anyway. Choosing all these top-notch universities for a course so competitive, how do I even compete with all those geniuses? A medical student who failed biology? Who in the right mind would give me an offer?
Ireland.HongKong.Singapore.Taiwan.Australia.NewZealand.
I shall have deeper thoughts before applying to these other universities.
No.hopes.no.disappointment.
Rid me of this.
by wenn on Friday, September 14, 2012
It's already September. Three more months and the year is coming to an end. It's not time for retrospection yet. And I don't have time for that now. Just that this is truly an eventful year. Things happened, some done and some undone.
After so many nights of struggles, I have finally a final draft. At least, one that I'm satisfied with. But somehow, it still doesn't seem impressive enough. Maybe because I'm not fully convinced yet? And probably because of some recent events that have thrown me off the track. How can I be sure I'm suitable when emotions have such adverse effect on me? By right, I'm supposed to focus on achieving the best result. Not fixing my mind on something that I've vowed to keep away from. College is only suppose to challenge me academically.
Well, writing the statement did have some benefit. Before this, everything was sort of in a mess, hiding in every corner of my mind. Now, I guess they're more or less sorted. But then, I also saw how incompetent I am compared to the supposed image of medical students. I still can't picture myself as someone so perfect. But I don't have any more time to think this through. I can only persist and hope that this is truly what I want. All this time, I've been so self-centred. I've never considered the impact of my decision to my family, or anyone for that matter. I have no idea what I'm writing. I tend to lose the ability to process relevant information when I'm under stress and this just prove that.
My choices of university are still empty. I have a rough idea of which university I want. But since even me myself don't believe I can get in, is there still any meaning in applying?
Well, writing the statement did have some benefit. Before this, everything was sort of in a mess, hiding in every corner of my mind. Now, I guess they're more or less sorted. But then, I also saw how incompetent I am compared to the supposed image of medical students. I still can't picture myself as someone so perfect. But I don't have any more time to think this through. I can only persist and hope that this is truly what I want. All this time, I've been so self-centred. I've never considered the impact of my decision to my family, or anyone for that matter. I have no idea what I'm writing. I tend to lose the ability to process relevant information when I'm under stress and this just prove that.
My choices of university are still empty. I have a rough idea of which university I want. But since even me myself don't believe I can get in, is there still any meaning in applying?
I have been craving for this holiday weeks before trials even started. But then, being alone at home wasn't as much enjoyment as It used to be.
I.am.not.suitable.at.all.
Why.can't.I.just.accept.the.obvious.?
It's my burden to bear.
by wenn on Thursday, September 6, 2012
I was right all along. It's just that I've chosen to listen to my heart where my mind has been telling me not to. And now, the consequences are only mine to bear. Deep within the crevasse that is cold and dark, a part of me had died. I will try to reach for light and warmth on the peak. Climbing with my bare hands, I know more wounds will add to the ones already there. Once on the peak, It will always be on my mind to keep away from the edge of the cliff.
长久之谜，解于一瞬
内心纠结，消失无踪
不曾拥有，何来失去
绞心之痛，非墨能形
未经沧桑，怎解世故
时日可疗，望之深切
隔亥耸立，今昔非比
长久之谜，解于一瞬
内心纠结，消失无踪
不曾拥有，何来失去
绞心之痛，非墨能形
未经沧桑，怎解世故
时日可疗，望之深切
隔亥耸立，今昔非比