the deepest chasm
by wenn on Sunday, April 29, 2012
I have no idea why am I feeling so freaking depressed right now. Probably because things didn't turn out as I hoped? Bah, nothing ever turned out the way I wanted them to be anyway.
I have no control over my subconscious. A slight disturb from the external environment, then It'll go haywire and render me useless until the problem's been solved or something major happens. It's very stressful. But shouldn't I be used to it already? Stress is just a force to keep me moving, nothing more. I have no exact word for that hateful feeling, which is eating me from the inside. I just feel like everything I did and do will be in vain. Now, I have no idea what to do. Or rather, I'm afraid of what lies ahead.
Choosing medicine was an escape from all those trouble my peers are facing now but I ended up with even more trouble. I have no idea why in the world I have chosen this insanely expensive course. The medical field in Malaysia is very much saturated already, thanks to our all almighty government, who apparently isn't educated enough to value quality instead of quantity. Being a doctor is no more a job respect by many as in the past as patients nowadays know even more, most of it from Wikipedia and Google. I was never enthusiastic in anything long enough for it to blossom. I'm quite sure this is no exception.
For some reason, everything is required of a medical student. They have to excel in everything. Leadership, teamwork, community services, desire to help, perfect academic and extracurricular achievements are only among a few in a long list of basic requirements. Further more, the tuition fees for medical school is the most insanely expensive such that you'll get greater satisfaction by throwing your money into the ocean. I have nothing. I am the perfect example of how not to get into medical school.
Having dreams meant nothing, if the dreamer didn't strive to achieve the dream. In my personal statement, I need to convince the whole world that I am the perfect candidate. How do I do that without even convincing myself?
I have no control over my subconscious. A slight disturb from the external environment, then It'll go haywire and render me useless until the problem's been solved or something major happens. It's very stressful. But shouldn't I be used to it already? Stress is just a force to keep me moving, nothing more. I have no exact word for that hateful feeling, which is eating me from the inside. I just feel like everything I did and do will be in vain. Now, I have no idea what to do. Or rather, I'm afraid of what lies ahead.
Choosing medicine was an escape from all those trouble my peers are facing now but I ended up with even more trouble. I have no idea why in the world I have chosen this insanely expensive course. The medical field in Malaysia is very much saturated already, thanks to our all almighty government, who apparently isn't educated enough to value quality instead of quantity. Being a doctor is no more a job respect by many as in the past as patients nowadays know even more, most of it from Wikipedia and Google. I was never enthusiastic in anything long enough for it to blossom. I'm quite sure this is no exception.
For some reason, everything is required of a medical student. They have to excel in everything. Leadership, teamwork, community services, desire to help, perfect academic and extracurricular achievements are only among a few in a long list of basic requirements. Further more, the tuition fees for medical school is the most insanely expensive such that you'll get greater satisfaction by throwing your money into the ocean. I have nothing. I am the perfect example of how not to get into medical school.
Having dreams meant nothing, if the dreamer didn't strive to achieve the dream. In my personal statement, I need to convince the whole world that I am the perfect candidate. How do I do that without even convincing myself?
April 29, 2012 at 5:43 PM
You don't have to prove anything, y' know
There's no definition of what a medical student is, or an ideal that every medi student must achieve
Once you think you've achieved that, you'll realise that you're still far from it
Humans are never satisfied
Just do your best, and do what you want:)
Being too hung up about it will do you no good <3