Obnoxious
by wenn on Thursday, May 10, 2012
Writing was the only way I could express my feelings and thoughts that would have otherwise bugged me for a long time. While millions of thoughts are racing in my mind, I can't find anything specific to write about. I'm at a loss for words. Somehow, my fingers don't have the courage to start typing. It's like someone, or rather something is squeezing my heart very tightly until there's no place for it to move.
What more could I possibly want? I have gotten much more than I deserve. I can't ask for more.
What more could I possibly want? I have gotten much more than I deserve. I can't ask for more.
When I was planning the near future, I never did take my ability to adapt into account. I naively thought that I would just immerse myself in books and assignments and examinations all day long. Also, I used to think that friendship isn't relevant. The sole reason of my survival was based on that mindset, which I now find to be quite pathetic. As reality goes, I was wrong. I couldn't survive alone in college, just like I couldn't keep myself from missing my high school friends. I don't feel safe with this new group of friends. Don't get me wrong. They're great to be with but I can't help feeling that something's just isn't right.
I couldn't concentrate on my studies. Every time I went near a book, my sleepy mode would be switched on automatically, causing yet another unproductive night. I'm starting to see a slippery slope ahead, on which if I don't brace myself, I will be thrown into the darkest abyss and lose my way forever.
The fear I felt before was meagre compared to this. It's like trying to find enlightenment amidst nothingness.
The fear I felt before was meagre compared to this. It's like trying to find enlightenment amidst nothingness.
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