Genesis of Life

another esemble today
must've been the worst of so many
conductor was angry
althought he didn't show it
i knew
if you could just see his face
that face of having no other choice
that face of wanted to give up but just can't
something so familiar

28/7 is the solo competition
i'm so scared
i'm not fully prepared
not yet
even if i did
i won't be able to perform well
not alone
stupid stage fright


since july begin
i never gone through a week without tests
i'm not criticizing
but i think that our headmaster's demand is a bit unreasonable?
how could we achieve such a big leap?
we're just students
not some computer or hard disk that can save everything with the push of a button

now's the time
to choose science stream or art stream

if you ask me few years back
i would say "of course science lah"
but it's that really what i want?
i don't want to study book keeping or economics
but the so-call 'art subjects' had gotten me high marks in the past
as for the 'science subject'
i'm weak in physics and maths
th 2 most important subjects in science stream
if i'm getting into art, i've a better chance at scoring high marks but lead a dull high school life
on the other hand, if i get into science
i could be happy to study my favourite subject, that is biology and chemistry
but i'll have to go through a lot of hardship
and i'll have to prepare myself for horrific result

23 days to PMR trial exam
how i miss the times
when i could stare blankly at the ceiling
when i could let my heart roam free without worrying about time
when i could let my mind choose what it want to do freely
with the whole room filled wth music


music somehow always manage to relieve my burden
but this year
music is starting to be a burden itself
all thanks to our 'considerate' conductor

i sat for the UNSW english test today
i went to the auditorium on 8~9 period
there was a few articles on the questions booklet
there was one that i don't have any idea what it's talking about
something about river Thames
i can't even begin to imagine what my result would like
participation maybe? or worse?

went to practise today
encounter something strange while i was walking on the corridor
i heard someone called my name
but i looked around
nobody was there!!
spooky, right?
maybe i missed it

desire
a concreate yet abstract word
a word that cause many bad things
but also good things

we have another esemble today
last week's score
i didn't even memorise the score
looking at the score
i felt my fingers moving but
my mind and heart is empty
when we played to a part where rapid fingering is needed
i was confused
eventhought i've practised

i've so many desire this year
i want A's
8As in PMR and another 8 in UEC( or is it 7?)
but can i really achieve this nearly impossible goal?
dad promised me a netbook for straight As
the one thing i want the most
maybe i should say byebye to it already
tests is getting nearer and nearer
and yet i'm sitting in front of this computer
staring into the blank webpage

another desire.........
to perform in the wanrenyan (need help in translating!!!)
but conductor said that there are too many dizi
those that are poor are going to be kicked out
and remain a newbie throughout his/her entire 'life' in the society
that means no more performance
whoa.............
fortunately it won't be me
will it?

we had an ensemble today
our society
the song we played was so nice
actually i didn't play much
i only got the music sheets today
our conductor was so cute
he kept making cute faces and actions
when we're wrong
he wasn't mad at all

i had to memorise 2 whole music sheets !!!
for the esemble next saturday

many of you may be already in bed at this hour
but i'm not
i can't sleep
i kept thinking
i felt like my mind's going to burst
but i don't know what i'm troubled about
i kept thinking about form 1&2
those were the times when i don't have to worry about big tests

here i am........
sitting in front of the computer
something i haven't touch for 5 whole days
when i should be sitting in front of my reading desk
facing mountains of books that need revising
but i'm not
i set up a goal on monday
i wanted to train my willpower
by not touching my beloved computer for a week
but i only managed to adhere to my original 'plan' for just 5 days
actually that's not bad

we have exams the next whole week
monday-PMR BM
tuesday- biology
wednesday- geography
thursday- sejarah
friday- UEC BM
saturday- chinese
no kidding
this is real

the solo competition is getting nearer
i 'm still not familiar with my song
so scare
i'll lose my chance if i fail
that won't happen
cause
i'll give it my best
nothing's going to stop me

thursday....
our group acted out the novel as requested by ms ong
Dr. Jekyll& Mr. Hyde...
It's not very special
but the part where yuning played dead was very funny
the whole class laughed!!!

today....
nothing special happened
the first recess,
i was at the other music room( up one floor from the 'original' music room)
practising........
and guess what
i get to perform in the 万人宴 this december
only if i perform well in the solo performance
happy, happy, happy
i thought that dizi part was already 'full'
it's not 100% yet
i still have to work hard
and how should i do that?
with my homeworks and projects and assignments and thousands of other things pile up
waiting for me to do

nevertheless, i still want to perform
it's my last chance

i'll have to work harder
the trail exams is getting near
40 or so days to PMR
60... to UEC
wish myself the best of luck
i really need it