Genesis of Life

i've say this many times already
UEC trial is over......
what's to happy?
no more sleepless night?
no more fear that i don't know how to answer?
no more thinking about tests when i should be asleep?
NO!!!
this is just the trial
i've haven't finish the real thing just yet

results.....
good? nope....impossible
bad? not really.....only some
it's neither good nor bad
i don't really know
physics & mathematics
no confidence at all
geography? history?
no feeling....==
biology? chemistry?
total disappointment T.T
who's to blame?
me, myself and I
they were once the subjects i have most confidence in
but now.......=(
they ended up being the biggest disappointment
bm? chinese? english?
not bad actually^^
but i didn't put much effort in these subjects==
but my bm is still no good
no A in neither of the test
well, all in all
it's all my fault if i didn't get good enough result
what if i study earlier?
what if i did many exercises?
no use at all
i'm not one of those reading-material
whatever you call it

that bad habit of mine seemed to get worse over time
i thought it would be better after the tests
but it got worse instead
almost every night, after i turned off the com
still can't get asleep
i would lie on my bed
and start thinking about society& results&friends

friends.......
i did make some new friends this year
and a good thing too
but my friendship with WenYee seemed to worsen as time goes on
where did all that laughing and crying go?
we can't speak our minds to each other anymore
what's happening?
results..........
i'm not going to talk about this
i've talked too much about result
society.......
i've really ignore society these past few months due to the tests
i've haven't touched my dizi for a long time already
i don't know if i still can play that fast
31/10 the next esemble
can't even rest after UEC
argh........
my mind's going to burst

last friday, i went to wen yee's house for group study
don't doubt me, it's real
i arrived at 12.30pm
at first, i thought i was late but it turned out that the other two haven't arrived yet
later, when everyone was there
we went out to buy lunch (guess what. McD, :P)
we chatted when we're eating
there were five of us
but
only four were talking
i felt like an outsider
well, i'm one
they're all 3ren
i'm in 3zhong
it's normal that i don't know what they're talking about

we started discusing bm after lunch was finished
and from that time on til 4.00pm
we've discussed bm and bm only
the boys went back home on 4pm

4pm~ 6pm, doing homework
and at the same time, listening to music
had a little break somewhere in the middle
didn't talk much
i have a feeling that our bond is weakening
we used to talk about everything
i meant everything, literally...

i still want her as my best friend
but i don't know if she wants me as her's

I still remember our form 1 science teacher
he referred to us as compound
are we still compound?
or just element that have nothing to do with each other?

Maybe i'm just too sensitive
maybe it's all just my imagination
she's not like this