Genesis of Life

All those time
The memories
They're like grains of sand
As soon as the winds of time start to blow
They'll be nothing more but a wisp of cloud
That I once and will always treasured ever so dearly.

So, the last day of the year.
Time for confessions and retrospection
And most importantly, planning.

I admit I've chosen a hard road.
I still don't know if this is really what I want
I doubt myself all the time
Having second thoughts and reassured by something
Although I do still hope that someone would be able to talk me out of it.

I'm walking the talk now.
My ever so perfect plan A.
Which at some point is kinda over-idealistic
Getting into Taylor's.
Then get accepted into Oxford Med with perfect score
All tuition fees paid by scholarships.
And "Poof" everything becomes nothing more than a dream

Being realistic,
Looking at my results
There's no way I'll get to study in the United Kingdom
Least way getting full scholarships
And more least way into the overly expensive Oxford
And most impossibly into the highly competitive Med
So, overall
Plan A is a fantasy. Nothing more.

But since It's still far away
I'll let myself dream for a longer time.

I only have one life and one chance.
I want to make the best out of what I have.

I never thought this trip could be so memorable.

I've forgotten how long I've been typing and erasing.
So much to say, so much to remember.
These are the memories I never want to forget.

The first two years were a blur.
But I remember clearly, my English teacher during the second year.
Because of her, I have a firm grip on grammar.

Probably because of having an irrational mind, maths and  physics have always been my weak subjects.
For which is fatal in Chong Hwa.
That was a lesson I learned the hard way during my fourth year.
Speaking of the fourth year, It wasn't as honeymoon as the others said.
Rather, It was quite the opposite and most of the time, sleep-deprived.
But thanks to both my calculus teachers this year, I have gotten to know how great it feels to ace calculus.

The third year was the best year and will probably stay the best forever.
Everything turned out as I wanted them to be.
Well, luck never stay with one person for long.
I'm still trying to retrieve what was stolen.

五年了
发生的事实在太多太多了
但一切的笑容与眼泪都成了过去
一下子就化为过眼云烟
却为我的中学生涯画下了最完美的句号

看来阿
英文在怎么好也及不上母语好
Isn't it too late to realise that now?

Plan A. Shattered.
It's holiday tomorrow. Luckily.

Plan B means Senior three.
Seems like ChongHwa doesn't want to release me yet.
But..

Alright.
That's back to the drawing board for me.

It's really annoying how adult could be so predictably unpredictable.
Or was it just me?

Yesterday was the open day of my about-to-be Alma Mater
It's been a great pleasure aside from being inhumanly exhausting.
Anyway, most of the parent had already planned their child's future
Which college to go, what course to take, etcetera...
And they're just in primary school!

In contrast,
I'm about to sort-of-graduate.
And I'm still not really sure about the way ahead.
Oh, sure. Someone might say it's great to be in control of one's own future.
Problem is. It's way out of my safety limit.
Well, I just don't like being lost.
Like I used to be. Last year.

Well, the mist is starting to clear up. I guess?
More or less. It's already planned out.
So, sorry mom.
There's definitely no way I'm taking economics.
Even if it means getting to study in the UK.
Fingers crossed.

I was never a believer in fate.
Until now.

I don't know what's the definition of hard work
But I know I've given my everything for this trial.
And yet?

Fate has a weird sense of humour.
It's been playing me around for so long.
I can't help but think I'm predestined to never get my way.
I'm tired of fighting the losing battle.

But still I don't have the guts to let go.

Deja vu.

So, trial ended.
Conclusion, there goes my 18k
The more I studied, the more I felt them slipping through my hand.
I don't even know if I can get 1k.

During 25 Sept, I was still torn between going and not going to the interview.
So, I make a daring choice.
I'm glad I did.
After the briefing, from which I know I'm the first of Group B, we were led to a series of corridor, the others were assigned to their specific interview rooms in threes. But I was the only one called to mine. When I opened the door which I hoped was somehow locked but wasn't, A blonde guy was sitting at the other end of the room. My interviewer, Easton Hanna. Canadian.
Great. Just great.

Some fun stuff.
Him: Why is there so much exams in Malaysia? (Not a question)

Me: No offence. But I don't really like America.
Him: It's okay. I'm not American. Me neither.

During the whole interview, I was speaking broken English, with pauses here and there. Come to think of it now, there's also quite a lot of funny/weird answers which I definitely would not use in my writing. Totally embarrassing! This might actually cost me the scholarship. Can I reverse the time? Speaking of time, It was so surprising that the session lasted for an hour. Have I really spoken that much? Hmm...

Well, although I did badly and probably didn't stand a chance against all those SMK students. I'm still hoping. Anyway, this was my first interview and I'm really glad I went. Every fragment of details was still fresh in my mind. Well, that just proved how embarrassing it was.
And the title. It was a statement he kept repeating. Yea, I know he's just pep-talking me.
Oh, and he kept telling me to sell myself.

I've been waiting for a week to blog about this. It's just plain exciting to be recalling it now. Even more breathtaking than finishing trial.
If only I could speak like I write. Sigh.
I do really need to speak more English. Seriously.